April. It was April 2 years ago that changed my life forever and I don't think I can ever face this month without reminscing. I had been struggling as a heart failure patient for a few months now. Waiting on the list was wearing on my soul. I would cry to mom at night, “Mom, I’m ready. I’m ready to get that call”. I was tired of being weak every day. Tired of having my parents do everything for me...like I was a child again. Sounds kind of nice to have someone tend to your every need (and maybe it was for a moment or two!), but it began to make me feel guilty. I wanted all of our lives to go back to normal. I was ready. And I was finally emotionally ready to receive the call of a heart being available.
It was Thursday, April 1st, and each Thursday my home nurse, Scott, would visit. He was a very likable guy. A talkative guy. He took my vitals and changed my IV bandage over on the couch this time. Usually I tried to sit at the table for him, but I just couldn’t manage today. I was practically lifeless on the couch and his attitude completely changed. He did his normal routine, but you could tell he was contemplating something in his head. He left my side to pack up his bags and as he came walking back to the couch he witnessed me throwing up in my nearby bucket. That was it for him and he immediately called the hospital. I’m thinking ‘Oh great, I know this time I am not coming home...until I get that heart'. I knew it wasn’t going to be just another short lived stay again to get my nutrition back up and extra fluids drained. I was okay with it. I knew I would feel better once I was all plugged up to IV’s.
Mom got me ready and dad carried me to the car. I couldn’t walk anymore. My weak legs just wouldn’t cooperate. When I was admitted onto the cardiac floor I was soon after transferred to the CCU (Cardiac Care Unit). I was finally catching up on sleep which mom was happy to see. However, the doctor said sleeping is all my heart would allow me to do. It was giving up. Thankfully my doctors and prayer warriors weren’t. Visitors came. I don’t remember. The day quickly slipped into late evening. I remember my dad holding hands with me and mom. He was praying. Praying for healing. Praying for God’s will to be done. Praying mom would be comfortable staying overnight with me. Praying for the future donor family.... My Aunt Sharon walked in the room and I waved for her to join us. Dad left and Sharon and momma stayed at my bedside. It was a beautiful evening. We shared our feelings, scripture that have helped us, and songs. I am thankful I was alert enough to share in those special memories when all day had been so horrible and forgetful.
That was my April 1st two years ago. I’ll never forget it. I probably could have pulled a pretty epic April fools joke on this day, but (thankfully for my family!) I was not in the mindset or condition to do so!!
Several people have asked to see pics throughout my journey. Well, here are some leading up to April 1st, 2010.....
Nov. 09: The evening before I was diagnosed. Looking and feeling
Nov. 09: Day 2 in the hospital. Feeling much better after losing 6lbs of fluid overnight.
Dec. 09: Ambulance ride from St. Johns to Barnes...enjoying the ride next to the cute EMT ;)
Dec. 09: First heart catheterization. Heart beating at 8-10% of normal function.
Jan. 2010: Hangin' with sis
Jan 2010: Getting some Kinsley love
Jan 2010: Nana & Grandaddy
Jan 2010: Dani & Jas
Feb. 2010: Feeling better
Feb. 2010: Home nurse changing my IV port
Feb. 2010: Family night. Check out my cool IV fanny pack.
Feb. 2010: Mom made me come outside to get some sun. And no that is not a snuggy!
March 2010: I could always count on Kyle to make me feel better. This was Kinsley's 1st bday party.
March 2010: Can't believe I'm posting this! Feeling horrible. Momma of course trying to make me eat.
March 2010: Dependent on mommy
We didn't take many pictures in March because the good days were very short lived. I'll post more throughout April :)
Thanks for keeping me in your prayers throughout these times. I can never repay you all.