Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Coping with March

A lot has been on my mind lately. I cannot help but constantly think about where I was a year ago. Right now I am sitting in dad’s recliner chair – makeup on, hair done, stomach full, water bottle and phone next to me and feeling good. I look over at the empty couch and I know I would have been lying there a year ago. There would have been a clean sheet covering the cold leather couch, my bedroom pillow holding my head and one of mom’s quilts on top of me. I would have had my hair up, no makeup on and an empty stomach. A water bottle wouldn’t be in site because I was scared to drink too much water, for chance of fluid buildup. My phone would have been left on my night stand because I was too exhausted to even text some letters.

I remember crying with my mom some nights telling her I was “ready”...ready to receive the call there was a heart available. I just wanted my old life back. I wanted to be strong again. I wanted to walk from my room to the living room and not be exhausted. I didn’t want to be completely dependent on others anymore.

I keep looking back at dad’s posts from last March and it really puts everything into perspective. I have come so far. So many things have changed.

Mar 22, 2010 Thank you, Jesus, for a good day. It is amazing the difference 12 hours can make. Megan woke this morning hungry and ready to eat. 3 meals today and they are still down the hatch. Makes me realize how much the rest of us take for granted each day. Thanks for all your prayers.


Mar 24, 2010 Megan's good days were short-lived this time. She started feeling full (fluids) last night and it has continued today. When she feels this way, she can't eat much because she knows it will be revisiting us soon. Praying the booster pill kicks in, gets rid of the fluids, and allows her to feel better soon.


Mar 27, 2010 Megan has continually grown weaker in the last few days; just sitting up or talking exhaust her. She has nibbled on a few things today, but most has made a return visit. God, Meg needs your loving arms around her tonight. (And while You're there, please heal her.) "When I am afraid, I will put my trust in Thee." Ps 56:3


Mar 29, 2010 Still no improvement in Megan. We are taking her to the doctor tomorrow. We are praying he will allow her to have a nutritional IV at home.

When I read these I sit amazed. I remember those days like they were yesterday. I really don’t even know what to say sometimes. March has been hard for me emotionally dealing with everything. I am very thankful for where I am today, but the past weighs heavy on my mind. Since this month has been difficult, I cannot imagine how April will be. My heart is aching for my donor family these days. I know if it’s hard on me, it’s even harder on them.

4 comments:

  1. Wow can't believe next month will be one year since you received your new heart you are so strong and have such an amazing spirit I am so thankful for the miracle of organ donation praise God I'm praying for you and your donors family God is always there

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  2. Megan, I have been raised with a spiritual background so I know that God is a healer. But last year when you was so sick and everything here was falling apart, God let me know through your healing, that HE is always in control! I needed some reassurance as I'm sure you did... I can sum everything up in these few short words.... MY GOD IS FAITHFUL ALL THE TIME!!

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  3. I cannot believe that it has almost been a full year! I know that this must be such a hard and emotional time for you...remembering those grave moments. Know that God has a plan for your life, and what you have been through is a part of that master plan. I will certainly continue to pray for both you and the donor family.

    So grateful to have you in my life, Meg. Love you!

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  4. I remember reading your Dad's blog and praying for you. I know this is an emotional time. Every anniversary will be, mine are. I remember how hard it was for me when they were thinking about working me up for the transplant list. I remember praying to God, please don't allow someone that isn't ready to die to leave this earth so I can live. God choose to bring my healing without a transplant and I have to believe my potential donor is still living because maybe they were not ready to go. Praying for your donor family. I know it helps them knowing that their loved one helped another to live and their heart is still beating. Praying for you too.

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