Like I said before it is so easy to look back now and see His plan, but I had to live it out. It was hard, but it ended up being a huge learning and growing experience in my life. He went from being my God to my best friend. I talked to Him every day. I fell asleep talking to Him and singing His praises. He made me feel better. He comforted me. He gave me a peace that everything was going to turn out okay in the end. I am glad He let me feel this way because it allowed me to focus on other things. He continued to bring the donor family to my mind and it made me realize I was going to really get a heart transplant. I knew he could heal my own heart if He wanted to choose to perform that way, but I continued to feel He was going to heal me a different way. When I began thinking of the donor family it saddened me. I knew that someone else was going to die, and because of that I would live. Obviously, I did not want someone to die. However, I continued to pray the donor would be drawn close to the Lord somehow if he or she wasn’t living for Him already. Growing up, I always asked the Lord to let me be a light to those around me, so I prayed someone would be able to be a shining light to my future donor. I asked God to bring comfort and peace to the donor family when that horrible day would come for them. To this moment, I do not go a single day without thanking the Lord for that precious family. This holiday season was so exciting and happy for me, but so the opposite for them. They did not lose their child, or mother, or sister from a sickness to where they could have said their good-byes. They lost their loved one way too quickly.
I am thankful for the very weak but special moments. I grew so weak during heart failure I was unable to take care of myself. If it wouldn’t have been for my mom, I would have been dirty with unwashed hair and unchanged clothes every day. I would have been unfed and wouldn’t have had a clean place to lay my body, a clean bedroom or a clean bathroom. I would not have made it through each day without her help. Mom got me through the days and many afternoons, Mandi came over to help me just get through another day. She painted my finger nails and toe nails every single time the polish chipped. She spooned with me and took naps with me. If it weren’t for Mandi or for some dear friends I would have developed major cabin fever. The days seemed so long and the nights seemed so short. Every day around 4 o’clock I would hear my dad come in the front door. Without a doubt, the first thing he said every afternoon was, “How’s my girl?” I had never felt this loved my entire life.
April quickly came and it was definitely a month full of emotional and spiritual highs and lows. I don’t remember a lot of it because I was so ill. I remember some things after my first open heart surgery because the life support machine was helping me feel a bit better. I was not really aware that I was living only because a machine was pumping my blood. My parents told me, but it was all a blur. I don’t remember one moment where there was not someone I truly loved by my side. My dad’s sisters were always there and in particular, my Aunt Sharon never seemed to leave the hospital. My mom and Aunt Sharon slept by my bed most nights. My family took turns rubbing my feet, adjusting my pillow, force feeding me, getting me ice chips, washing my hair, changing my socks, combing my hair, reading emails and cards to me, praying with me, talking with me, sitting with me…I could go on and on, but I was never left alone. Never. I felt like I was waiting forever and I began to wonder if a heart would ever come. When the doctors gave me a deadline it only made everything worse. I was finally…afraid. I was really scared I would not get my heart. I just knew deep down inside I was going to end up with a mechanical heart and this is not the way I wanted to live. Thankfully that was not God’s plan either.
I could not imagine the feeling you get when a doctor gives such a ‘death sentence’ of a statement. My family was told on Saturday I was too sick to receive any surgery whether it is for a donor heart or a mechanical heart. What were they to do now? I was too ill to even know what was happening around me and they especially did not want to tell me this grim diagnosis. The doctor apologized for waiting too long to perform the mechanical heart surgery and said there is just nothing else to do. I would have loved to see my dad’s face when he received this news because he responded with, “There is something we can do. We can pray.” That’s right! Boy, do I believe in the power of prayer. Prayers and fasting happened all over and in eleven short hours later I was told, “Megan, we have accepted a heart on your behalf if you want it.” I will never forget that feeling and my doctor’s sweet embrace. Not only has my physical life been completely changed through this adventure, but more so my spiritual life.
This holiday season I chose to be thankful…how could I not be? I have life. I have family and friends. I have a Father who not only restored my physical life this year, but brought me much closer to Him. I am thankful. Words cannot truly express how I feel this year. It has been amazing and I have grown more than a lot of people my age typically would in one year. I look at life differently now. That is easy to say, but I really don’t think one can understand that feeling until they are faced with a life and death experience.
As up and down this year has been for me, it has by far been the best year of my life. New Years Day 2010 my Facebook status stated, “May 2010 bring complete health, happiness and love (in the form of a man). Peace out 2009, I am so ready for 2010!” I just want to mention that it has ALL come to fruition!
I feel like I can handle almost anything now since 2010 was a year full of mountains to climb, valleys to go thru and races to run. Bring it on 2011! Through my life I demonstrate that Christ is enough. Come what may.