Now that I wasn’t dealing with scary visions during the day I could focus on other things. I started receiving countless emails through the Barnes website, cards from many loved ones and even strangers and artwork from children. I was shocked at what I was receiving day after day. Mom would sit beside my bed and read each card or email to me because I was too weak to read them myself. I would close my eyes and listen to what mom was reading. They meant so much to me and were very encouraging. Often times I had tears welling up in my closed eyes just listening to the precious words from others. People gave me verses to cling to. Some told their own story and how they now feel connected with me in some way. Some had a child my age, so could not imagine what my parents were going through. Others had been looking for God to answer prayers and were using my story to see if God was listening and would answer. Many would give me lyrics of a song that reminded them of me. However, there were a couple letters I received that made me realize why I was fighting this battle. It truly was a battle of faith!
One letter from someone I did not know definitely caught my attention. This man thought it was ridiculous of me and my family to put our trust in “some God”. He stated that we should be putting our trust and our faith in the doctors alone because they are the ones that would bring the healing power. Obviously he saw that my family was a believing family and that we were strong because we believed in something big and we chose to cling to our faith. I am so thankful Channel 4 news aired not only the details of my sickness on TV, but also chose to mention our faith. The article that was written about the news clip had this quote: “I spoke briefly with Wayne and Kathie Moss about their daughter's condition, her spirit and her faith. They told me how strong she is even as her heart weakens and how she knows God will take care of her. She's got a sense of calm about her, her parents are amazed by.” If it weren’t for this I may not have received this email from this man that appears to be in search of something. Something more than he has right now.
His email truly shocked me. First, I was shocked that someone would even say that to a person they don’t know, let alone someone desperately clinging to what little life they have left. Second, it made me want to get better so that I could write to this guy. Third, I felt sorry for him. It made me sad to realize that some people really put ALL their trust and faith in doctors…in man alone. I started thinking maybe he was hurt in the church somehow, and now he doesn’t know what to think. He is confused. He thought it was silly for us to be praying to God instead of hoping the doctors would come through.
Don’t get me wrong. I am very thankful for the doctors. For it was a doctor who chose to give me a defibrillator so “just in case” my heart decided to race out of rhythm I would be shocked back to normalcy. This device shocking me would inevitably save my life in a moment’s notice. It was a wise doctor who sent me home on a continuous IV medicine so that I could try and life a ‘normal’ life, rather than living in the hospital. It was a great doctor who inserted an Impella device through my groin so my heart would double its function. I was failing without this procedure. It was a caring doctor who stayed by my bedside for more than 24 hours so he could watch me closely and perform many tests through the night. He did not have to stay overnight with me, because there was an overnight doctor on duty. Because he chose to stay, he was there in the morning when he quickly became the one that helped save my life. This smart doctor decided I needed to be put on a life support machine to pump my blood so my other organs wouldn’t continue to fail. It was a different and very skilled doctor who performed this open heart surgery when he knew there was a large chance I wouldn’t even make it through. The list goes on...and I am very thankful for all of them.
My doctors and nurses were incredible the entire time. I do not want to belittle them, but they are not the ones I choose to put my faith in. I do not want to rely on man to live. I am thankful for their quick and knowledgeable actions, but if God wants me home with Him, there is no doctor that can keep me here on Earth. I choose to believe in God. I choose to put my faith in Him alone. He is the one that brought me to the brink of death, so he could bring me back to life. Doctors said there was no more they could do, and I believe that is what God wanted. He wanted me in a position so HE could then perform. He chose to have a heart available when we were told earlier in the day I was “too sick to receive a transplant”. God healed me when the doctors could do no more. My faith remains in Him alone, not man.