The day I woke up from the LVAD surgery was a long one and I only remember bits and pieces of those next few days, but the nights were unforgettable. I tried sleeping but kept waking up with horrible nightmares. I will never forget them. My family, nurses, and old friends were in these nightmares and when I would wake up I would be breathing hard and sometimes unaware of where I was. This happened a few nights in a row. I continued seeing the scary things during the day and the nightmares at night. It made me not want to sleep!
I remember one time during the night I woke up and mom was standing over my bed and asked if everything was okay. I didn’t answer her because I could not think of where I was and when I realized I was in the hospital I had to think very hard of why I was in the hospital. I feel now these nightmares were Satan trying to get to me and scare me. Every single nightmare I had was about being left all alone.
No one was around and if someone was they wouldn’t help me. I would fall and not be able to get up by myself, yet no one would help me up. There were three dogs I always felt were going to attack me. My nurse would leave me and never come back and check on me. A heart became available and someone wrestled me to the ground so I couldn’t make it to the hospital to receive it. I was in the wilderness crying out for help and people would just walk by. I ran from friends and family because they scared me and I didn’t trust them. Why was I having these dreams? None of it was true. I was never once left alone in the hospital. My nurses were incredible. Family and friends were always there for me. Why was I getting scared with these stupid dreams? I really think the devil wanted to scare me and wanted my spirits to get down. He saw that not only friends and family, but my community and many other communities were coming together all in support of me. Satan was scared he was going to get defeated.
It was probably the third or fourth night of having nightmares and I remember thinking (while I was dreaming) ‘Megan, just wake up and it will all be gone’. I kept trying to wake up and couldn’t. The nightmare kept going on and on. I would lay there and say over and over in my head, ‘Just wake up, open my eyes…it will all be gone’. Finally, I woke up and my mom was standing bedside looking down on me. My nurse was running around frantically and seemed very thankful I woke up. Evidently my heart rate had shot up, my blood pressure was not normal and my breathing was difficult. This dream definitely had its effect on me this time! The nurse calmed down and left the room. Mom leaned over and got in my face and started praying and talking to me. She prayed that God would send angels to surround my entire room. She prayed I would feel comfortable. She asked God to give me sweet sleep and sweet dreams. Mom started quoting verses from the Bible to make me feel better and to calm me down. Mom and I talked and prayed for about 45 minutes that night. Never did I experience another nightmare or horrible visions in my hospital stay. They even warned us again they may come back after my transplant surgery because of all the steroids. They didn’t! Prayer worked again!
In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O LORD, will keep me safe. Psalms 4:8