July 18, 2010
Time is flying. It was exactly three months ago when I was feeling very anxious and could not lie still because I knew I was soon receiving my new heart. The doctors kept pushing the time back because they were trying to find a recipient for the donor lungs. When I look back at it now, I am thankful because it gave me many extra hours to regain strength from being so sick earlier in the day. It was a blessing in disguise.
This night would not have been the same without my sweet nurse. I was so fidgety and literally could not stop moving. I had already been on a large breathing mask earlier in the day, but when I had begun to get a little better I was able to switch to a smaller one. Now I needed the large mask again because of being so anxious made it much more difficult to breathe. I remember trying to lie still, but my legs were constantly moving up and down, I would turn on my side and then on my back, my arms would be spread out and then crossed, my toes would jerk and then my fingers… I could not find a comfortable place or stay calm. Even mom could not calm me or make me feel comfortable. I imagine because she may have been experiencing a little anxiety as well, as we were both focusing on the transplant ahead. The nurse noticed my mom was not helping my situation any so she kindly took the matter upon herself. The nurse leaned over my bed, got down in my face and said, “Megan, say ‘Jeeeeesus’ with me with every breath.” So together we breathed in saying, “Jeeeee” and breathed out saying, “sus”. Over and over again, “Jeeeeesus, Jeeeeesus, Jeeeeesus…”
I was soon calming and it was much easier to breathe when I was breathing in and out the name of Jesus. She then started singing to me, and what a better song choice than, “Jesus Loves Me”.
Jesus wants to regenerate us. He wants to give us life and energy. Breathing in His name is a way to enjoy the Lord. John 20:22 states that when the Lord Jesus came in His disciples midst He said, “Receive the Holy Spirit.” To me, this means that each believer can breathe in the Lord by calling on His name. Let Him rejuvenate you! Breathing in and out His name made me focus on Him rather than the scary situation at hand.
"Blessed Jesus, Mighty Savior!
Thy name is all I need;
Just to breathe the name of Jesus,
Is to drink of Life indeed.”
From the hymn, ‘Glorious, mighty name of Jesus’.